Science, Magic and a dash of Ninja

Thursday, January 20, 2005

serf disciprine

i <3 the anime-makers.

i am inbetween thoughts right now. i like writing in this state. i enjoy it.

I am in love. i wondered at that part, whether it was healthy or not, considering my future plans. i agreed with a fellow's opinion that i can enjoy both, as long as i stick to both. And i realized that i felt that way before hand. Because i can love and be far away at the same time. I will have to explain part of this to a friend as well. One would almost think of that as hard, except things that are hard for the general are easy for me :) explaining my love to her might be a bit ridiculous. These are two different conversations, btw. Hayzoos Ex Kreestay, i lean my head back and smile at the thought. at least one, make that Two (Three?) know of what i speak. True Brother indeed!

I was hired by Dominoes today! I gotta go tommorow and fill out the employee package before i goto RJ Gators. I don't really want to goto Rj's, but oh well. i might as well.

Uh oh, i have come to the idea that maybe the quick reflex-esque thinking is too fast, ie, fast enough to surpass conscious self discipline. The subconscious is faster than the conscious. I HAVE DONE IT!!! I have recognized a (the?) flaw in part of me. If i were to make the conscious thought-2-action speed faster than the subconscious, it would defeat all habits. Or Would it? bother. bother poor decision making. Two voices. Bother the 2 voices. I want one voice. I want Her voice, of course, but i recognize that it would be seperate from my own, thus having 2, yet 1 internal and one external. a balance.

i am in love with too many. or am i. i am confused. i have confused myself. a possibility. SHIT! one may not want to hear about any of this. one of the two. LOL, i bet neither of them really want to hear about it :P

FUCK, a faster conscious-2-action speed vs correct (disciplined?) decision making. !!! NO, which is the correct answer? is either? damn question vs statement theory? HELP ME!!!

always...always asking for help. I feel that i am bound by an Opposite Statement rule, and that he my brother is bound by a Truth statement theory. Both of these defined as such that for me, i have to state the opposite of what i want for it to be true, and he, when he states something, it is true. oh bother my head. There are 3 there.

the 3, i feel them, sense them, in every conundrum, through every question and statement. Around every unsurety. I probably sound like a loony, which is ok, because i sound like a loony most of the time. I am in love. Love! wow!

control, supers, civil war, love, truth, reality, creation, slavery, discipline, self. Responsibility. The list in my head that swims continuously. I want to be saved, Saved, Loved, by Her, but have so far, a Her of supposed Imagination, and a her, that is awesome. indeed. and a thought process broken. an imperfect self. I am not perfect, yet. But what happens when i attain it? I will simply realize that i have not. ;) Wait, that is self defeating. Maybe...maybe strengthening is self defeating? no, thats a contradiction. Perfection as a goal is self-defeating? it sounds like it. self-defeating is suicide. its death. i wish it upon no one. I am in love. why is that popping up in the middle of this. why are my figners so slow? arg. Love vs Imperfection!!!

self-fulfilling prophecy vs The Hand That Molds You. !!!

oh no! i would choose the first......but i would choose the second.

the source, of this conundrum....oh boy, the question beneath the question is a question...

I enjoy love. :)

{smiles}----oh yes. a smile adorns my face right now :)


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