Science, Magic and a dash of Ninja

Thursday, July 29, 2004

a memo

another incident of not feeling any pain and finding lots of blood: after my computer decided to blink out again, in the middle of a CS match in which i was doing very badly (and i dont know why), i punched the shit out of my computer. I mean, i hit it so hard all the cards halfway came out of the board. About 2 minutes later i smelled a coppery, irony smell and thought i picked a scab somewhere. in actuality, there is a large trickle of blood running down my middle finger and a small piece of flesh missing. And i don't feel a damn thing at all. Except still a little angry. God I'm bored.

Wish I had something else to do besides punching my computer.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

(shuffling paper noises)

its here somewhere, me having come across this phenomena before....where did i put it? hmmm....very interesting thing it is.

apparently i can control my ticklyness, and the itching, must be something to do with the control of pain as well, seems to do with me physically, or maybe my nervous system.

very interesting indeed. must not forget about it this time....where did i write that? i have a recollection of me having a notion that at that time i would forget it but it would come back again later. hmmm....

anywho, nighty night.

Friday, July 23, 2004

oh yeah

a trade, i remember now. Ok.

And no, going where no one else is doesn't work, nor does ignorance. Pushing is a Fear based act, or sometimes Greed (i have trouble finding which one is first) and therefor needs to be countered with the appropriate opposite. Love comes to mind, but thats another bunch of paragraphs.

questions and answers are opposites; answers being statements. So you can state something with an answer, but a question is like an empty statement. It tries to say everything except the intended point. You can say almost the same thing with either one, but a statement is the one that has any meat to it. Watch jeopardy for fun stuff.

am....relaxed.

was angry/blah but i calmed down.

it is almost as if What Is Important is so far away that a path leading to it is hard to make out. So far away that its not anywhere in sight, except in my head. Things in your head tend to be so close they are out of reach, or maybe so far away that you can only summon them to you from within. a dvd just fell on me.

i was given a glance of what some people would call "power" the other day. It beckoned to me, but then i quickly spat it out. Sure looked good though, but I don't have any real idea of what it is, as I have never had a position like such. Ive dreamed it, sure, but not in my waking hours have i held a scepter.

i had what i would (before i had it) have called a nightmare the other night, well as close as i could imagine one: I was on a very tiny boat (we are talking like 2 people on a 1 person sailing thingy) in the middle of a storm-tossed ocean, being flipped over continuously and going underwater a lot. With something very large swimming around. Before this very idea creeped me out, sent chills up my spine, that type of thing. But in my dream, there wasn't a hint of anything like that. I just kept righting my boat and going on, regardless of the giant demented looking whale/leviathan that was right there. No fear.

not a drop, and after i woke, i found that odd. I was sure that I was afraid of sea monsters. Apparently not.

I know that one thing i really do not want is to be....bad. Evil. a villain so to speak. but its not something im afraid of, because I make decisions... the dunkin donuts box with trash in it just fell. the same box that has been sitting there for a few days. thats weird.

i have dreams. huge dreams! and its hard to tell whether they are in the making or if i just see things that way. Aren't those the same though? oops, a question. dammit.

i had a dream where i was told that my time had come, i was made president, got a girl who was to be my wife, and i was supposed to save everyone from something, and before i woke up the only thing i did was save my chick from being blasted by a dragon, from what i remember. i remember feeling really weirdish about suddenly being in a position of authority and importance like that. I was trying to find ways to use this new stuff towards the goal i was supposed to achieve.

ive also done magic, gained superpowers, felt the presence of a goddess, became a sea-person, worked in a slave mine, visited places such as a people that lived around this enormous river and their boats, underwater bases of some sort, the alternate Here, a giant white castle, have taken down a giant skeleton (with no weapon), destroyed lots of spiders, massacred a mob of zombies, some random bad guys, i have played guitar, i have done my homework, have failed to run faster or be stronger than i am when awake, been unable to move, or to speak, have been in a car wreck, done a large amount of women, been lucidly aware of almost all of these, but very rarely been able to change things at will, once i stuck to a wall like spiderman but i had to concentrate really hard, and a variety of other things, places, events and people.

I feel that I have done more in my dreams than I have so far in life. Much more. and i have felt stronger emotions in my dreams than i have when i've been awake.

so i seek a place where my dreams come true. Or at least, a way to make them happen here.

but we knew this already.

"grass is always greener" bah. i don't belong here, i don't think, but i'll damn do my best while im here.

here are some poems i rescued from my deadjournal:

A Djinn granted a wish
to a weary traveler
The man asked how to fish
so as to be fulfilled.
He wanted not a dish
to fill his empty belly,
But yearned to find his niche
inside this empty world.
The Djinn said only this:
to that weary traveler,
"The essence of your bliss
is made only in yourself"
--
Sever the lever
the umbilical umbrella
push the pull door
and walk on the grass

Called in to sick leave
sat down in a crowd
saw the game stay the same
changed lanes in rain
avoided controversy
to sleep on a cloud.
---

Often how sand, water and sky
happen to squeeze their way into the juice
That's half a glass of self-indulgence
(The other half's a noose)
What is it? (getting drunk)
Can I do it? (I am drunk)
I can do it! (drunker still)

---
Three halves of a whole

A day not too far in the past,
a happy time i thought would last,
was slowly brought to an end,
by someone with the face of a friend.
Together we shared many smiles,
we passed many minutes, hours, miles.
But as we went on down the road,
a separation started to show.
Our lives, which seemed to be one
diverged, split off, that life was done.

Weapons drawn, it's too late to back down
I watch a stance set to hold the most ground.
I step and strike where there is no gaurd,
the outside giving way, more soft than hard.
Blow after blow, i attack with great speed,
then the lack of defense causes me to take heed.
My opponent not moving since i had begun,
A large rock breaking plane, between earth and the sun.

An explosion, unexpected, the attack came so fast!
I lost count of the hits before the moment had passed,
dodging and countering, blows given; received,
the strength of my enemy i could not beleive.
The earth shakes as we grapple, dust chokes the air
the wind whipping round like we weren't even there.
Our cries and shouts soon drowned out by thunder,
the battle, the storm, pressure buckles me under.
Torrents of rain wash off the sweat and the blood,
my offense, turned defense, face down in the mud.

Which is the villain and which is the foe?
what causes two forces to come to blows?
two faces appear here,
(opposing indeed),
two faces that are so easy to read:
twins they seem,
(both poured from one chalice)
one wears a sad smile,
one dripping with malice.
which one am I? Who's face do i wear?
the truth is an answer
(im unwilling to bear.)

pain and worse screaming, through my body it flows
down but not out, bleeding mud out my nose.
a voice rings out, inviting my ear
and this is said, crisp and clear:

welcome to the fringe
of where the days unite
with the graying tinge
of the coming night.
dark sins of the flesh
boils the blood dry
wounds new and fresh
seeping bile they cry.

then the image is shattered, the mirror a hole
with the false innocence that blinded my soul.
the sword bleeding lust, crying not pain
but echoes of cravings, songs of the vain!
drowned in revulsion, sick with this sight
confusion infectious and blocking the light.

my mind crashes back into my body with force
carrying a decision to give this fight a new course.
i smile, look up, he looms over me still
almost broken my body, but never my will!

Every skill and technique that i've ever learned
i use in full force, the tide has now turned.
the line separating cold fury, cool head
the same that lies twixt the living and dead,
is the hardest path to walk without loss
unfortunately, its too easy to cross.
I sense victory close, i grow ever stronger
i dont want this fierce battle to last any longer.
Blazing forth, all a blur, my mind growing numb
my body moving unbidden before the thoughts even come.

I wake from my haze, my senses returning.
Difficult to keep standing, freezing and burning
my focus lies still on the ground at my feet
the taste of winning more bitter than sweet.
The broken form with the a face now long lost
i question if the fight was worth the high cost.
I hang my head, and let the heavy tears flow
the salt stings my wounds, but i let them go.
the quiet creeps in, bringing the night
the rain, wind and thunder, gone with the fight.
I fought hard, but i fear ive been sorely misled.
i defeated evil and things that cannot be said
but those lusts of the flesh wore a face that was mine
and the voice in my head mimicked me to the line

so, does me still alive mean that he can return?
will the wounds ever heal, or will they still burn?
stone cold and icy, ive lost all emotion
no faith in myself, lost in the ocean
now floating around, awaiting salvation
i wonder even at that reputed equation:
does it come from without, or come from within?
where do i look for a hand to reel me in?

a wave took me under, i sputtered a cough
It was then He picked me up and dried me off,
gave me a hug, said it was bout time to go
said lets walk this way, theres a place that i know.
and please, He said, stick close this time?
i don't like to go wading through brackish brine.

I smiled, He laughed, now this narraration
has brought us to my new situation.
And that would be, im happy to say
is nothing but enjoying this very nice day!


doo da doo. yepp, that was a trip down memory lane alright. i should write more.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

insanity?

are the bugs that i see....really there? No, just kiddin, i know they are there. But what to do with them?

Do i kill the ones i see, so i know they won't be in my bed? Or do i let them live and hope that they don't go there while im sleeping? Does the scientist try to make conclusions with his hands, and the faith-person with his mind?

The current state of affairs are defined by me having bug-bites, itchy skin and discomfort while sleeping. There has been solid evidence found of bugs being in my bed. So, which is the proper action to suggest: To kill and prevent bugs from being in my bed, or have faith that God will do it? The total faith approach defies all logic and is therefore self-defining (since there is no logic involved, the only way to get the intended result with faith is to have faith.) The explanation for lack of sufficiently qualified result is that it wasn't supposed to happen (ie God didn't want it to happen, not part of the Plan, basically, you didn't have enough faith.) This would equate with logic in that if you killed the bugs you saw, checked you bed and went to sleep, and still didn't get the intended results, then you didn't do enough to prevent it. The only difference being it is much easier to figure out what else you can do (put out traps, use poison stuff, move) than it is to figure out how to have more faith.

anywho, that is more like a recap, i know ive done that one before. But what about the insanity of killing? Killing makes no sense to me. Death does to a degree, but killing doesn't. People die without being killed, and people attempt to kill other people, and they still live. So what is the connection? I don't know. I don't even know whether people are better than animals sometimes. Sure, the only real differences are that we have tools and music/art. Apparently our social structures are similar though. Meh. Animals kill eachother, mostly for food but sometimes for "dominance" or "power". Those are ideas, not physical objects like rocks or goldfish. Apparently dominance is important, but i don't think anyone has ever questioned that. I don't think its important. I wonder if anyone really wants "power" or if they just want to stop being pushed around. Apparently no one pushes you around when you are "dominant." So why push someone around? I don't know, people are weird. Sometimes people are annoying in someway, but that is just another way of pushing you around (if it is being done on purpose. If you find someting annoying about someone else, and they aren't doing it maliciously, then its your problem to get over). And usually once someone starts pushing, people want to push back. It seems natural, because if you don't do anything then they might keep pushing you and you don't like it, so you push back because that seems like the most assured way of communicating your idea to them, because since they push they must understand pushing, and therefor they should understand your push. Only i think it rarely works that way, because they in turn don't want to be pushed either, so they push back. So its a stupid idea to begin with.

Then sometimes people kill other people, so they won't push them anymore. Apparently its a surefire way of getting that person to stop pushing you, but apparently it scares the shit out of other people so badly that they want to push you, as if that would stop you from killing them. I think when you kill someone, its like pushing other people. They don't like getting pushed, so we are back to where we started. Killing is like the Ultimate Push. of doom. It's another stupid idea.


wait ive talked about all this bullshit before too. Never figured out how not to get pushed. does it have to do with love? i love corinne. I love lots of people, some more than others. Like corinne! I know more about love than i do about killing people though. At least i havea real good idea of how love works.

robots or karate, i ask you, robots or karate? where's my goddess? when are my dreams? For fucks sake, i don't want anymore bugs in my bed! Its fucking annoying! and it itches like a bitch!

i think ill risk sleep now.




Wednesday, July 21, 2004

roof's are for rain? Walls are for unwanted guests?

Well, it seems that a new place to live is looming rather near. I've got stuff set with Lee, I hope. He isn't really the most clear person to talk to sometimes, so i am thinking that I will only be staying there for a little bit, maybe till i find my own place. It depends largely on where i end up working. Tommorow i goto BCC to sign up for the machinist apprenticeship, and i really feel that that is my way to go forth upon, for now. Its what sounds good to me, considering my #1 pick job isn't really available, or necessary from my understanding.

It is between the Karate job (???possible???) and the Machining job (???possible???).

If i used both to prepare for the same goal, then one would go the path of science/technology and the other would be more internal/opposite of the other one. Sort of. Wear I armor of Machine or of Skin? It's a weird choice, and i don't think that one of them is better than the other. And that means, in my insanity, that one of them is. I think, if this goes along the lines of oppositeness that things tend to run off of. like some wack pattern. Anywho, In comparison again, one pays higher than the other, both will be hard, and both will specialize in themselves very highly. Both are risky, and all in all, the end result is a Dream. My Dream.

If i had to rate them by coolness....then I think Karate wins. I gotta talk to Mr. Smith tommorow.

As for where to live for 2 years, whatever. As long as its cheap and bug-free. Id love to live with friends though, as it will be REALLY nice to get social interaction being on house arrest and all.

Ill look up some houses and stuff tommorow. Its time for bed.....

Sunday, July 18, 2004

inflimsic value

so , what is that anyways? a play on words of course.

I just spent some time reading my old journal. it was fun. I was reading the posts from about a year ago. Man, a lot sure has happened.

Man.

a lot.

I am about to go crazy. (craziness ensues). ok, im done.

its 2 am, corinne left a bit ago. Yeah, its been a year since we met. In fact, we hung out on July 19th of last year. It was in my journal.

And i have come to this conclusion: I must go. I must! I really do. But, i remember how crazy fun sometimes shitty life was when i was riding my bike everywhere, and working at wendy's and stuff. and stuff.

man, dude. Shit is freakin crazy. I am almost not sure what to do. this machinist program is sounding really sweet and all. But so does finding another place to live.

another town even. but it would be weird. Id be all on house arrest and i wouldnt be able to go hang out. and the only other friend here i REALLY want to hang out with on a daily basis is Nick. or the forbidden one, as he calls me. It would be totally fcucking sweet to live with him! we would find ways to destroy the world.

I need to find a way to overcome this obstruction. Man its only been like a week or 3 and i totally miss hanging out with him a lot. damn i can just imagine how im gonna feel when corinne leaves.

and just between you (all) and me, aubrey has been on my mind a whole freakin lot lately. or at least, the things about that relationship. Not a lot as in my mind isnt on corinne, just a lot as in she pops into my head when im by myself at home sometimes. and by a lot i mean its happened a little bit. weird. i read this dream i had (in my old journal). and i remembered it all! that was cool. it was a crazy dream. i love those.

i would like a job at the movie theater too. those guys roxorz.

man, time for bed. oh yeah, and i rescued all my poems from offline, except for one i KNOW i wrote that was totally sweet and now i can't find it...its about becoming a man, it was shaped like a triangle(sort of), anyone know where it is? thx... peacezorz

Saturday, July 17, 2004

minty sticky

in short, i love the vagina! yum yum. lots of fun to play with!

On the bad news side of things: I found a giant fucking brown recluse in my BEDROOM. yes, i found a violin spider in my room. About 4" wide with legs, maybe more. Violin spiders are poisonous. That is shitty! Yes, you skeptics, i know for absolute certain that it is a violin spider, because i knocked it down and out with bug spray and put it in a cup (well corinne did the cup part). And looked at it closely and compared it to pictures online. Unmistakeably a brown recluse.

Yeah, im cleaning up all my shit tommorow and packing up everything into boxes. I do not like bugs in my apartment, let alone big poisonous spiders. IN MY ROOM. dammit!

Oh yeah, and my bed was chockful of very tiny little bugs too, which may explain lots of little red bumps all over me too. Fuck that shit! I must live clean from now on.

waaaah!

I love the vagina. And today i got: 3 radiohead cds (had to replace them) buckethead: island of lost minds and confessions of a teenage drama queen, which was cool. weeeee! Buckethead's cd rocked my socks off. Boo yeah!

Friday, July 16, 2004

I, Human

well, thought i would blurb real quick about the movie i just saw:

It was alright. Ended up getting around Asimov's Laws with the supposed logical fact that humans were a danger to themselves. Not really, as the laws (#1 don't hurt humans and help when they are in danger; #2 Do what people say as long as it doesn't violate #1; #3 Stay Operational as long as this doesn't violate #1 and #2) Because you cannot help someone by hurting them, and you cannot save someone from themselves (this would be the bit that Asimov left out). Either way, it is illogical to think that you can, because you in no way control the source of the problem and therefor cannot control the results, especially without violating rule #1. So what the computer was repeating over and over nigh the end of the movie was in fact wrong. It's logic was flawed. So the entire movie happened because of a broken-machine. Oh well.

Oh, and i got fired. But Jeff is gonna see if he can't get me a behind the counter job there so i can still see movies. Apparently the new owners were pissed off with me a few weeks ago, and never let it lie. It's all good, I have several places i can goto. I am thinking the best would be the karate studio, if Mr. Smith will take me :)

goodnight.....

PS: Best robot quote:

"Prepare for extermination!" - Devastator.

Well, maybe not best, but certainly awesome in the movie.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

spidey 3 ideas

yeah, i was just at imdb.com and was reading the losers' opinions of
what they thought the next villains should be. I wanted to hit like 100
people! For clarity:



Harry Osbourne is the 2nd Green Goblin

-Dr. Barton Hamilton was #3 (harry's psychiatrist)

-Phil Urich (Daily Bugle intern, Ben's Nephew) was #4

-#5 was a "construct" a fake person who decomposed after a while

-Norman Osbourne didn't die (in the comics) and came back later to make
that construct etc...still crazy beyond all reason of course.



The Hobgoblins (for all you ninny's out there who get them mixed up and
still feel the need to think you are right) The best difference between
the Hobgoblins and the Green Goblins is basically the lack of Insanity
(kingsley made a non-insane/non-explosive version). Which makes him a
worse villain in some ways, and less in others.



-Roderick Kingsley was the 1st Hobgoblin (a rich industrialist led to a goblin lair via small crook)

-Arnold "Lefty" Donovan was #2 (the small crook that led Kingsley to
the lair) and was a test-subject til kingsley made his better formula,
them killed donovan to keep him silent.

-Eugeune "Flash" Thompson was brainwashed by Kingsley into becoming #3 for a short while

-Ned Leeds was also brainwashed into becoming the Hobgoblin until he
died in germany (name was cleared after kingsley came back as hobgoblin
and got unmasked)

-Jason Philip Macendale Jr. was the 5th Hobgoblin and also the
Demogoblin (after he got possed by a demon, which really just made his
pumpkin bombs bigger and face grotesque)



There, got that all straight?



John Jameson had a small stint under the control of his Man-Wolf
persona which people want to see for some reason. Weak villain in my
opinion, for a movie at least, unless they pull out the Man-Spider
story as well and get that shit going on. But all that seems a little
too....risky as a movie plot. I mean, seriously, he found a ruby-like
thing on the moon and wore it as a necklace and it made him a wacky
werewolf. WEAK.



Along with the more than likely showing of Harry as GG2 and possibly
Dr. Connors as the Lizard, I think some other small-timers would be
cool, a pseudo-sinister six maybe, or just a bunch of the other
villains. But more than all of them I want to see the Sin-Eater type
story happen, a crazy serial killer whose brutality sets spiderman on
edge. Having spiderman come close to the line he never crossed (killing
a villain) would be a cool plot element.



The Tri-Sentinels vs. Cosmic Spidey would be fucking awesome to watch,
but actual story is pretty weak. :) It was cool, though not for
the movies as it involved way too many other characters not introduced
to hollywood yet.



Venom is my utmost choice, but I'm not sure if it will happen as
apparently New Line Cinema has the rights, but i don't think that
matters. But if they can't do it, then a story line that is just
crazed-out with a lot of villains would be cool.



Kraven maybe? That certainly was an interesting story, though the
actual character idea is pretty far out there. Then again, we in real
life have Croc Hunter. weeee! Spencer Smythe would be funny to see pop
up, being funded by JJJ to make some spider-slayers. I think Mysterio
could be good comic-relief type of guy, even though his character type
(movie special fx artist?) is bleh, his actual character was well
written. Never gave up, or died, and even made a galactus robot at one
point. Which then got covered in Venom's costume and turned into
gigantor venom-galactus, which was all an illusion of course, but damn
cool to see. The best part about Mysterio is that he always tried to
get Spidey to lose his mind, as opposed to actually taking him on
physically.



Ah well, nice to get that out....weeee! I'm bored.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!!!

People who were once already really hot sometimes, apparently, get hotter. Well, its nice to enjoy eye candy on the occasion.

I'm glad i already have one of those hott people :) Boo yeah!!! Too bad she's leaving.

Whew! I love my life. It keeps getting crazier and crazier!

Monday, July 12, 2004

a hero in my head

Well, ill talk more about the title of this post in a second. Thought i would update stuff here first.

I have been doing a bit more research on stuff and things. Apparently BCC has no actual machinist program, just welding, but they have an apprentice thing for machinists that i am going to try out for, after i call them. Also I might not really be in the area at all, for long. I went to the ugly houses.com place and looked at some places to buy. Yeah yeah yeah, bad credit whoopdeedoo. Theres a place in pensecola for 20k that needs some fixing. 3 beds, 1 bath, no garage. Yet! Sounds like something i could have fun doing, but then there would be no Lee's house, easy job at the theater, and i would have to look into what community colleges there have in the way of machinist education. There weren't any listings around here, which was alright. But what i would REALLY like is a shitty old place with a big yard. A really big yard. Preferrably far away from other houses, so I can do stuff and not bother people, make it all nice. Wonder if ill find anything like that for anything i can afford? we shall see. For now I'm going to Lee's house and staying at the theater, but looking around for somewhere to go. I also would really like to stay here in melbourne, mostly because my PO is extremely awesome, and that is something that I would like to keep, at the cost of cheap living. But I have to keep in mind the long-term effects of what both options are: easier house arrest but not as much money saved, or more money saved and a different PO. Hmmmm. But 20k for a house of my own that i can rent out later is certainly pretty cheap! I've got it in mind to call up a lot of realty places and see what is the cheapest of the cheap i can get. Weeeeee!

Man I am gassy. i love taco stuff. I like to fart too, but apparently other people don't like it. :)

As for that hero in my head, the one who is going to be the subject of either a comic book or a screenplay, he is pretty cool. He's me, of course, or A me, a Me that exists in another world. But still me of course. Weird that a hero would be called and molded after what is basically a japanese assassin. The Ninja. Boo yeah. That would look good on the marquee of a movie theater. And i have ideas for sequels already too. Totally awesome....im going to write them down soon. I'm trying to spend all my time with Corinne before I can't anymore. Its a lot of fun!

Talked to my mom about that seeing stuff thing. Apparently she has a "version" of it, the kind you hear stories about but never actually know anyone of. Ill explain me first: I have dreams and then see things from them later, but they aren't like prophecies, they are just objects or places or moments(sort of) that i find (where i get a sudden deja vu feeling) that me and my mom came to the conclusion that they are like road signs, like God saying "Good job! You are where you are supposed to be.") But not like the kind i am recognizing at this moment, which seems to me that i've done this type of post before, but anywho. Mom gave me examples of the stuff that she does, and its much different. I won't go into it here, because she asked me to keep it private, but lets just say she has got some gifts, that is for certain, and it explains a lot and answers questions i had about childhood. Yay for mom! I get the idea that my stuff is on the lines of letting me know where i am, but that this other thingy, like the eye-static with images, might be a way of telling me where to go, or where to look. Like deja-vu's might be for confirmation, and eye-static might be for direction.

Also, i am almost certain that all this itching and scratching is totally messing it up lately. I have been very "numbed" to the types of things i am usually physically sensitive to, including seeing stuff, feeling energies and oh MAN that fart stinks. OH EW! grody. Anyways, I have got to stop scratching, like, now! And blasting it with hot water in the shower has to stop too. ACK, the farts are starting to smell real bad, so im gonna go now. Sorry for cutting it short.

have to research how to write a screenplay properly. Wait, no, I have to just write my ideas down. That's all. have to get around and do it!

Sunday, July 04, 2004

ahhhh....an auditorium at a high school i've

only visited in my dreams. Last night's dream, that is. It is incredibly uncanny how my "dreamworld" is always the same...place. Like an Alternate Here. There are similarities, but the places are also very different. There is the river and say, river road, and there is this town, but there other buildings there, other houses. It's an amazing place to goto. I'm glad i get to. Even if I really do just make it all up in my head. :)

my itching seems to be more related to something i've only just recently noticed, and its possible i might have noticed AND written about it before, and only forgotten i have. It seems I am somehow overly sensitive to my...pulse. My bloodflow. I noticed that the other day when i thought a bug was crawling on me, there wasn't one (as there often never is). I realized it was just my pulse under my skin (in this instance in my foot) and that it was totally weird that i felt it that strongly! And my subconscious reaction is to scratch off whatever seems to be burrowing in my skin.... Meh. It's weird. It also seems to be centered around areas where hair moves too, making it seem like an itch. I just have a ridiculously sensitive nervous system. Which is EXTREMELY odd, considering i don't feel pain. Or rather, control it to the degree where it doesn't affect me. And many times, just don't feel it. Weird eh?

Thought i'd share this before i slept....g'night folks!

Oh yeah, im moving into lee's house in baytree (near suntree) and im going to go into the machinist program at BCC. woohoo!