Science, Magic and a dash of Ninja

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Periods come at the end of Sentences, sometimes.

Heh, well, in short, sentencing went as planned, 2yrs house arrest followed by 4 years probation. My community control is liek being babysat, and by the year 2010 ill be a free man. And have paid the gov't about 7 grand at 100$ a month. (104, to be exact.) Now for the answer to everyone question:

I can't leave the state. Thats right, you see, while i was right in that community control is a form of probation (a stricter evolution as it may be) we are the only state to have it. That's right, i can move in two years after my CC is up, but til then, i have to stay in-state. Fuckety fuck fuck, captain, I'd say that we're stuck in port.

So now I can stay here with my nice as can be CC officer, or i can move. I'd REALLY like to move, to see new sites at least. Even if they are Floridian. Maybe later. If i move into my friend Lee's house, then life will be cheaper of course, but not nearly as good as i have it now. Mostly due to Corinne going to orlando, which of course is closer than California (where i was headed...) but its a big difference from everyday to once a month(maybe). I had planned for this, but i wasn't expecting it. Bother.

So, is anywhere in FL worth living? or should i just stay here. I mean, the are where chris is moving to is fucking nice (i've visited it several times) I wonder if he'd be peeved or pleased if i asked if i could go with him. Guess i'll ask when he gets home. I could stay in this same apartment, maybe find another room mate or ask john to cheapen it up. Looks like i can take school in the fall, so that will make for more of a "social" life. I have to pull some shenanigans to be able to still goto karate, the only other thing i would stay in this are for. Friends can visit me when i move :)

Humm dee dumm....

apparently it takes two hours to boil eggs, boil the water away, and have them explode on the stove because u forgot u were cooking them. They smell bad too. Dangit, and that was the last bit of eggs. Have to go shopping next week. or something.

time to go weigh pros and cons in my head. bye!

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

a time is a space well mentioned

poof for the innards of a statement, that while intuitive to say the least, must remain among the tattered tufts that lie in the field where whispers sleep.

a smile plots its path along, from cheek to cheek, in a trek along my face. a sigh stretches forth, marking a point in space that started when a feeling was indeed, felt.

part sadness, part happiness, but all resolute. confidence is such a thing, a subject to a verb that is much like a jump from a tree where a good nap was taken. Make that many good naps. I love that tree, it was there when i needed it, was everything i needed until my time with that tree was fulfilled, and for that, i love it. What an amazing tree! It loved me too.

Now, to go where people fear to tread. I don't think that many angels fear to tread here, but i'm sure some people do. I've heard, sort of, and definitely of, people treading here. Where things are seen but not understood. I have seen people very much afraid of such things, things misunderstood. And I have received many people's points of view on what to do with a subject such a mystery. So now i goto someone i hope will have some sort of answer for me, an answer that sounds more like a definition, and if not, at least an answer that might be some directions to some such dictionary.

my inner Helper was right again, the hunch that my parents had some more to say, some more to tell me about something I know nothing about. Not that that helps much as to what it actually is that they are going to tell me, but its nice to know my instinct is still keen and on the money. Hahaha, that was never in question :) The only thing ever non-constant is whether i listen to it or not. nice little Voice inside! Always helpful.

oh yeah, hooray for commercial space! And hooray for kings and presidents! hooray for a goddess! hooray for dreams! hooray for friends! hooray for adventure!

sleep well young man, sleep as the clouds on a windy night. Sleep, with music your blanket, and imagination your pillow. sleep.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

secrets of evermore....mmmm, tasty music

man i love the music for this game, such fantastic background music.

as for my bokken (bujutsu sword) either give it to megan to give to me next time she visits the area, or you could just mail it to me. prolly only a few $. sry for the mix up, hehe :)

i wonder if anyone else ever wonders about coincidences? Im sure they do, people have told me before that they have. A coincidence being where two seemingly unrelated things happen at the same time. I wonder a lot though, because I just think of ways that these types of things are related, but i try not to share them in case i sound err, crazy. or in some peoples minds, crazy and sacreligous. I think that i should be more err, confident, in sharing what my ideas are, for it doesn't really matter i think if i am wrong or what other people think, and the ideas would have more opportunity to progress if someone else thought the same thing. Though in balance, there would also be more opportunity for someone to choose that future talks with you could prove hazardous. which isn't fun.

so one of these ideas i have i shall tentatively share here. i think that peoples thoughts happen when they are, kind of "relased" (for lack of a better word i guess) into the, err, world. For example, ever lose something and go on a quest to find it, but kind of lose concentration on what it is exactly that you are looking for, or perhaps just repeat over and over "where is it" instead of "where is my wallet", where lack of detail provides the result that....you just end up finding other stuff at first. I have a tendency to just let thoughts go on occasion, and by letting go i mean i think them, and then thats it, i go on to the next one. And then wacky things happen or just normal but weirdly timed things happen. like coincidences. like squeezing the last bit of toothpaste of the tube, ur thinkin "lets see how much i can get out of here" when at the same time the shower gurgles out some water. though it happens without you squeezing the toothpaste sometimes, it seems odd that it happened at the same time you were thinking of the same action, just with a different medium. then again, overanalysis tends to warp what actually happened. but its interesting, at least to me, to see subtle relationships like this. and to me, this formula for making stuff happen has become apparent in everything, i mean, absolutely everything. to a very weird degree. i might share more on that later...

i think its time for bed now.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

late night murmurings of an estranged mind

(added afterwards: if Lauren is reading, its nice to see you found my new journal/blog! let me know before u leave town n stuff, and i haven't been showing up at karate due to my shitty skin. really harsh lately.)

just finished book 5, order of the pheonix. (well, honestly i just finished getting out of the shower, which immediately followed the finishing of book 5.) oh, and i think ive found why my neck has been awry; i noticed i hang my head almost all the way when deep in thought latley, or at the computer typing late at night, or in the shower, though the latter is mainly due to me being taller than the damn shower.

i am amazed at how amazing the characters are, and its funny, some of the....the "amount" of character to these characters, i don't know what to call it, reminds me a lot of Atlas Shrugged. At least in the case of Umbridge and draco. people that should i ever meet (or anyone who acts like them) that it would be hard for me not to smash them in the face. i think its funny, actually, the only teachers that i ahve ever had a problem with are the ones who act like that....idiots who abuse their power.

of course, i don't really like the stupid immature route harry has been taking, but then again, i remember being the same way, though i think i wasn't as old as he harry is when i grew up, at least in the stubborn fashion. In many ways, i was really never a teenager in the normal sense. i never at any time thought that no one else felt what i felt or that i knew everything, or even illogically assumed things that i had no way of knowing, and then went off on a horrible tangent from that. the kind of thing that harry has been abusing in the past 2 books. and somehow, i've never been an idiot with women as harry seems to be trying to define every shitty detail of the male stereotype. though i crept eerily too near the "woe is me" thing, i never got too close in a serious fashion. meh. then again, im not normal and i don't have much of a normal life, at least normal as defined in what i have peiced together from what other people tell me their lives are like. or maybe normal defined as how society (or partakers thereof) imagines everyone else's life to be.

as for actual thoughts on the book, i was quite shocked at harry's response to seeing snapes worst memory, and I thought that would have at least changed his opinion of the professor, as at least he now knew what fueled the old man's crappiness. I really liked how much neville gained, and hope to see him totally destroy that evil bitch who blasted his parents. and my absolute favorite part of this book was Fred and George. Boo yeah! They are my two favorite characters. It would be Harry, but he's too immature right now, and doesn't seem to excercise decent reasoning skills, even if he is ridiculousy talented/powerful. It would be Hermione, except for her foolishness with the whole S.P.E.W. thing. she's as bad as draco is with his mud-blood thing. totally blinding herself that her opinion is right and that she knows better. Actually, Fred and George tie with Dumbledore, who in my opinion, is quite awesome. Funny beyond all reason, and still quite fearsome. I think that i land somewhere between harry and dumbledore. or maybe i just wish that i was like harry, so that that fact in someway would open up doors to adventure to me.


which leads me to my nighttime murmurings for today: the same old dribble that no matter what anyone says, even me, the existence of magic, and amazing adventures, people, creatures, you name it, but magic (of any anthropological source) does exist! i feel it somewhere, down inside where i just know things, as tested by me in previous circumstances, basically as far as i have tried it so far is a simple, erratic, sometimes vague and sometimes descriptive way of Seeing as say, a Seer would. ya know, the future n stuff. Which is as close as i've ever gotten to doing anything of the sort that my parents told me was evil, of the devil, and pretty much i shouldn't look into cuz id go straight to hell (as outlined in a currently-very-much-doubted-by-me-to-be-unedited bible as being an abomination, but that doesn't make sense at all. Using the same definitions, Jesus did magic, and if u refute that ur a dummy. you can't call two instances of the same act two different things (and widely different at that) unless you are either a moron or referring to the difference in time between the two. I've not followed my inner voice (which sounds a lot like me :) ) and talked to anyone older than myself, or of any reasonable experience in these matters, about it. I thought for a split second about talking to my parents, but laughed that off. Sure they would listen, but they would listen with their filters on and im not sure that any response would be helpful, or even nice. or even relating to what i had actually said. So far every response has either been "whoah" or "cool" or "weird", or a conjunction of any of these.

im tempted to go wander into a psychic's office and sit down and have a talk, but due to my upbringing and my own personal doubt that any psychic is actually genuine (the upbringing being that psychics are conduits of evil, though im not sure i really support this claim, i have unfortunately never met one and couldn't say)

as for a magician, the only ones i have ever seen were on T.V. and they were illusionists. Except i don't know how David Copperfield flew around that one time, id like to know if that was real, hehe.

heh, it's not like you hear about anyone doing magic nowadays. people cling to wiccan traditions like they are another answer to their empty lives. the same way many people cling to christianity, without really understanding what it is they are doing.

man, looks like ive got lots of people to talk to before i find anyone who can help me.

its gonna be really hard with all this community control coming up. damn.

my head is spinning now friend, time for me to do it in a much more comfortable position.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

homemade is fun for the whole family!

me and corinne went to b&n last night (barnes and noble for you out of the loop on current acronyms) and we saw these coolest journals with pages made from recycled paper and other stuff. They were really awesome looking, quite the extreme vintage look. But we didn't like any of the covers that they had, so we decided to make our own! So today we are going to practice making paper pulp out of stuff lying around and see if we can't make paper at least similar in texture and beauty as that of which we saw at the store.

As for my cover, i have for some reason previously unbeknownst to me, collecting these jingle shells off the beach (small, very shiny black or white, sometimes opaque or translucent, but all of them smooth and shiny) and have decided to break them down so i can make a flat cover for my journal out of them. Im going to use all the black ones as a background color, and use some white ones to make a simple lightingbolt on the front! I like the idea...it sounds like fun! ill have to use polyurethane to enamel it with so it wont break easy (or hopefully, at all!) and i should have enough shells for the job, i guess if not, i can always get more off the beach!

hahahahhaha....pickles! (what a great show :)

then im gonna get a quill and ink bottle to write in it with. :) mwahahaha, i can't wait...

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

slacketball: a game nobody really gets around to playing.

well, i finished "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" today! it was totally awesome. i figured i loved the first 3 movies, so i can't wait for the next movie so i got the book, which is something i've been meaning to do anyhow. (read the books that is) i think ill go back round and read the first 3 sometimes, after i read the fifth. weeeee!

as usual things have been pretty quiet. which is normal for this sleepy town. hehe! ah well, im out soon enough. I'll miss some of you lots, others less so. but oh well! i love you all of course. one of you more than others though. and ill miss my family. ill have to get over and see my new nephew sometime i trust my car or learn to ride my bike. which should be finished tommorow.

i wanted to fix my glasses so that i didn't need arms on them, but it turns out i don't have any parts small enough for such a job. oh well.....

Muse: Absolution is fucking fantabulous, i love it! what a great band, up there in my favorites now with Radiohead, Green Day and few others (like Flogging Molly, Melt Banana, Dream Theater and some more.)

ahhh, dear sweet awesome corinne is on her way over, so i guess ill go.

if anyone has ever heard of real life magic, be sure to let me know. im deeply curious and have only dreams and that little Voice in my head to go by. (that little voice, of course, being God. I admit i have been lax in talking to him lately, but then again, i've been lax in talking to everybody. not that that is an excuse, just an observation included so that a better view is taken for those of you who like to form opinions about other people.)

man, i would give everything i have, and move to anywhere in the world to goto such a school as hogwarts. I don't understand how i would have to give up the people i know and love, i mean, i will always love them regardless of what i'm doing, but if people say such a thing as to mean risking losing their love, then ok. Another person's love is their own personal gift and therefor of their control, and i have no place to command another's love of me. But yes, id risk being shunted by all to learn magic. I understand it all not to be really anything i am giving up anyway, my memories are mine to cherish, my things only things and not of much importance, my relationships not based on what i do. So in reality, i yearn so much for such an amazing change in my life as would going to a magic school would bring, but feel that somehow, i don't have anything to exchange for it. Except....that i also realize that where i am not saddened to leave my place of residence or things behind, i would be sacrificing the closeness of the relationships i have. It is one thing to love a person from far away, and another to have them close to cuddle or talk to (depending of course on whom we are talking about). But i would do it. In a heartbeat. My mind is made up and my heart is set. Which is why im doing the best thing i can think of to move ahead with such a dream in mind. Moving away :)

i may be dreaming, but hey, its a good dream! Alas, i've no idea where to begin looking, as online is only full of people trying to make money. well, im sure there might be a few clues online somewhere, but only where to find them :) Heh, soon enough i suppose. But that is kind of on the backburner, as i'm not sure as to how to go about searching wholeheartedly for a Magic School or Superhero Training or anything super different. the best that society appears to offer is Jobs or Shit. Jobs come with vacations and nice places to live and all sorts of nice things as well. but it seems to be generally accepted that there is nothing else to do then that which you already know about. Hehe....

The unknown being of course, what i'm looking for, in a sense. More like the Unexperienced, which is the same thing i guess :) You can't really know something without experiencing it, can you? like a person before and after skydiving. you can know about it, but not it as it is.

i noticed something else today too...that being that many of the "extreme" types of characters that i read about or see in movies or hear about etc, all i have not experienced in life. I have never had such a bully as Malfoy or such a brainy person and know-it-all person such as Hermione. No teachers that were completely shit to me. Heh, its jsut funny, i thought, that this place i grew up in is very much just in the middle of things, and the people are as well. Not too much of this, or too much of that, just kind of there. like that analogy of the still river i did in my other journal, jsut before i started this one. :) There are few exceptions, of course, people who almost seemed to fit some sort of extreme. or maybe stereotype? not sure what the correct word is. ill give an example:

Theres Josh, who is possibly one of the smartest people i know, except hes more like a smushing between a sporty energetic person and a smart kid. Not really over the top in any one feild, but just spread across them all. which is how i feel most people i know are, im trying to think of someone who is really gun-ho superawesome beyond all else in say even one particular field. Of course all of us are different in the things we like and are good at, but nothing i can think of at the moment strikes me as a....bother now i've forgotten the word for what it is i was thinking of.

which is why i think no adventures happen around here. Definitely time for a change in scenery and people. definitely.

The most special place i can think of is my karate dojo, and that is pretty relaxed too really.

meh, in short, nothing is even remotely similar in any fashion whatsoever, at all, to what i dream about. or read about. and that is crappy, and i want to change it.

so im doing something new and hope it does something in the aim i am going for. worse that can happen is that things stay the same. which, of course, is totally shitty when compared to what im aiming to do, but in itself of course is survivable. but i wouldn't call it living, really. ah well.

corinne has been here for like 10 minutes, and i should go hang out with her, while i can! hehe....

Monday, June 07, 2004

i like icecream

and thats about it for my first post in this blogger.....i got it so i can reply on chris's. yay!